My whole world got flipped this week.
For the better part of my life, my internal struggle has been self-love.
Or, lack thereof.
I’ve put sooooo much time and effort into trying to find it.
Hold on to it.
Become a confident and secure human being who owned it.
Well, if I wasn’t asked a question that entirely changed the way I’ve viewed my very existence the last 10+ years….
‘Do you trust yourself?’
Um. Ma’am.
What?
It’s a question to which I didn’t have an answer, because my mind was reeling.
And when I finally came back down from orbit, I realized it was because, no. I indeed do not trust myself the majority of the time.
Like, maybe I do like who I am at this point. The identity I’ve created. The girl who moms so hard, has a kick ass job where she works with her sister in a cute salon everyday, who is consistently working out and eating well again, and is doing things she loves, like blogging and social media.
What if loving that girl wasn’t the problem all along?
(I even made that a part of my identity!)
What if I love myself, but I don’t trust myself?
I don’t trust my decision-making skills. I don’t trust that I’m capable of making sound choices. I don’t commit to things, because I don’t trust in my ability to know. I don’t trust my intuition.
It’s probably because when I do start to trust myself, somewhere along my journey, someone told me I was wrong.
Possibly I’ve been made to believe I shouldn’t trust myself, because I’m always wrong.
And I should be ashamed of being wrong.
Talk about letting the outside influence the inside.
So this week has been about looking within.
Before making a decision, I look inward. I visit that girl who I already know is good. I ask her if she would approve.
And SHE DOES.
I believe it might be in my best interest to keep checking in with her.
And TRUSTING her.
Because trusting in myself? That’s Luxuriously Dope. 🖤
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