Mask On, Mask Off

When is the last time you wore a mask?

A likely ill-fitting, hot, sticky, uncomfortable, can’t-see-a-thing mask?

(I’d guess that’s how you’d remember it, anyway. Because all the masks I’ve worn have sucked.)

My guess is, it’s been awhile. They’re not practical in real life, and are for the occasional events like Halloween, or a masquerade ball.

Generally speaking…. We try not to wear them often.

Now what if I asked you, when is the last time you put on a mask, to please other people?

Not a literal mask, of course, but something to hide your true self and intentions?

If you’re a people-pleaser like me, I’m going to say it’s pretty often. Maybe daily. 

And just because it isn’t as sticky and hot as the actual mask you wore on Halloween 3 years ago, I think the 2 actually have a lot in common. 

When we think of the masks people wear, they are used for different reasons. Just like the people-pleasing masks we put on.

Here are a few underlying reasons that I believe we wear a mask.

First (and most obvious reason to wear any mask), is to conceal our identity. If we don’t have enough self-confidence or self-esteem to share with the world, we want to hide. And because we have things like jobs and kids and need to go to the grocery store occasionally, we can’t hide forever. So when we leave, we hide our true selves. We read the room, and wear the mask that matches everyone else’s. That way we won’t have to expose something (that we don’t even like or trust in ourselves) to the world.

Second, is there’s a societal pressure to wear certain masks. (You probably wouldn't wear a Jason Vorhees mask to a kid's Halloween party.) For women, it might be the clothes we wear, the way we choose to raise our children, whether we go to work or stay home, whether we get married or stay single, or whether we subscribe to a certain religion or spiritual practice. This is especially true in a small town, where trends tend to swing more one way than another. So we read the room, and see what is considered ‘right’ in that setting, and put that mask on- regardless of what we really think or want.

The third reason I believe masks are worn? To protect people. (Remember those face masks that some NBA players have worn, that look so funny? They probably caught a serious elbow at one point before they sported that mask.) I think when people experience trauma, our bodies go on autopilot to protect ourselves. We throw that mask on at any sign of danger, even if that danger is simply being the odd man out. If I’m the odd man out, I’m more likely to be noticed, and make myself a target. So we put it on to protect ourselves from any possible attacks- real or perceived.

And the last reason masks are worn? It's simply easier. (Think of a Halloween party where you could dress up and do a whole face of elaborate makeup, or... just buy a mask and be done with it.) Maybe we do love ourseves, and don’t mind standing out in a crowd. Maybe we know it’s perfectly safe to express an opinion that is different. But sometimes, we also know that by simply doing so, there will be people with a different outlook. And that becomes a point of contention, that we simply don’t have the energy or desire to deal with. So we throw on the mask, smile, and nod. Because some days we just don’t have the time or energy.

Being a people-pleaser is hard. It comes with a lot of anxiety, overthinking, and mask-choosing.

Wearing a mask is hard. It’s hot, sticky, uncomfortable, and generally not a great sensory experience.

The obvious solution here is to take the mask off. 

And while some are easier to take off than others, I think it’s helpful to know the reasons we’re wearing it in the first place. 

When we understand our motives, we can begin removing the mask more often, thereby exposing our true identity (that should be celebrated, loved, and accepted, by the way!).

And when we can remove the mask and be our free and authentic selves? 

You already know. It allows others to do the same.

And unmasked and authentic is Luxuriously Dope. 🖤